A lot of us are struggling these days. I feel it, I hear it, I see it everywhere.
-
At least for me, the major component is time management. Trying to manage school, church, friends and work has never really been so tough. The schoolwork is definitely becoming more challenging; so much changes when the aim is to actually make the 'A' and not just scrape by with a 'C'. I'm really trying to get into Isenberg and it's kinda tough starting with my ugly 2.72 GPA. I calculated it out. Mathematically, I need two semesters of straight As (with 18 credits, each) in order to reach the 3.5 GPA. As for this semester, I think I'm close. I have four As, one A- and one really screwed up I-have-no-F-ing-idea-grade in my low level computer science class. I'm hoping to do an 8 page paper for extra credit to raise the A- to an A then play around with HTML a lot over the winter to prepare for the final.
-
Work. I mean, literally, the on-campus job I'm working has been really good. I'm happy to be with Oit, definitely. I got promoted to the Staffroom and the LC, which was good. But really, I'm looking forward to my interview for a manager position. Well, there is a bit of a conflict. Next semester is going to be the most important time of my college career- whether I get into Isenberg or not could really affect my life so I'm really hoping that my job won't interfere with that. It shouldn't, if I manage my time better.
-
Friends. I've had a lot of trouble with this one recently. I haven't been able to hang out with a lot of people in the way that I want to this semester. I mean, I'm all about quality time- even if that means just hanging out somewhere to watch paint dry. I haven't seen Mark in two weeks, ever since volleyball ended. I haven't talked to Debbie this week since retreat is coming up. I haven't even been able to talk much with my roommate because of how much work he has. The time that I spend with my other friends have been... unfulfilling, to say in the least. Recently, I feel like I've given a lot of myself; to help, to hold, to listen to and to support. Call it my selfish nature or my ignorance but I feel really neglected. But then again, am I entitled to feel loved all the time? It's a tough question.
-
Speaking of neglection, and even the fact that this is so low in the actual form of this entry, I feel absolutely guilty about neglecting God. I've had like two or three sessions with him this whole semester. AKC had a guest preacher, Pastor Seung Su come a few weekends ago. He talked about this- when Quiet Times are mentioned, do I feel guilty or do I feel a thirst to know God more? I feel guilty.
-
God help me. My faith is weak.
Come and be strong for me.

There is something deeply symbolic about our sight. Through the scope of our eyes- the corneas, the irises, the lids and the lens we are able to take in so much more than we realize. We take for granted the raw power that comes from our ability to perceive our surroundings and the effect that we have on those around us- the ability to see.

"You have the eyes. You can see it, can't you?"

Everyday words filled with a hidden understanding. An unavoidable sense of responsibility weighs upon me like the sphere of humanity that is set upon the shoulders of Atlas. When he told me what he saw, that's when I knew it was unavoidable. Rather exclusively we shared a gift- a talent of perception.

The truth is, this gift has become a curse and a prison. This season, I've been writing more and more on what it means to be a hero, a man, a role model of sorts, but more and more I've become accustomed to seeing heroes become villains, men become monsters, and role models become enslaved to the fabrications of their minds. The worst part is, I see myself in them and I see them in me. 

-

Hope, for our existence and our future, is harder and harder to grasp.
Faith, for the God that supposedly holds the world in his hand, is slowly but undeniably fading.
Love, for even those closest to me, has grown cold and vague.

-

There is so much more than just one.

-

More than ever, I question my eyesight. I ask myself every day. Is the sky is really that dim or are my eyes just losing their luster? Is this change of this season destined as the finale? The end of time?  The last days? Is this the time with the so called great "falling away"?

Here it is. The Truth. The Truth is. This. This is. Truth.
I feel it. The Fall. The Falling. I. Fall. I'm. Falling.
It is. Now. Fall. Fall. Fall. Fall is Coming. Fall is here. I have.

Just wanted to post a quick question before work:

Do you have any heroes in your life (Real or Fictional)?

Who are they?

What are they like?

What qualities make them heroic to you?

-

For some reason, I was also thinking about anti-heroes this morning. "Protagonists lacking the attributes present in conventional heroes", but what about these anti-heroes allow them to still be regarded as heroic? Why is one man a hero, a villain, or a regular side character?

What do you think?